The money tap that appears to be creating London home owners out of my contemporaries is yet to flood my bank account, but if you have any donations, please contact me for my PayPal details. Hence, after handing in my notice at my big adult job and the resultant lack of means to support London rent or living costs, I decided to go where no Southerner has ventured before, The North.
A land of slightly more weathered, but friendlier faces, an abundance of pastry and rent costing less than £250 a month, I was welcomed back to a more financially viable lifestyle with open arms. Like most young unemployed people, I marched into the nearest pub and forced myself onto their next available shift. It was a short application process, that didn’t require buzz words or repeatedly pressing the space bar to be told I’m “hard working, fair and focussed” (yes, this has happened to me). By contrast, they took my details, asked if I had experience and told me I would get paid next week. The following weeks were a refresher course on things we all already know, but sometimes need a reminder of.
- People need people.
Its safe to say that most people this year have faced challenges at work. After “unprecedented” the most common word on my LinkedIn feed has to be “change” and the prolific pursuit of “disrupt or die” means that theres always someone willing to offer a “cutting edge technology” to resolve these issues. This makes it significantly harder to remember that technology is a tool and not a solution. But whilst Zoom stocks have tripled in value in 2020, its not the technology that we love, but the conversations it has facilitated (or maybe we haven’t loved these conversations / virtual pub quizzes / workshops but its nice to have the option).
In line with the expectation of “moves to countryside and works in a pub” comes the overly friendly local drunk. After the first time we met, where I had to let him know “I only kiss men who have their own teeth”, I was curious as to why I was working in the only pub in town that seemed to support his physiological dependence. However, after some apologising and a few more shifts, I realised he was there for something a little more than a double shot of rum for £2.95. As with many alcoholics, this man was clearly very isolated, sensitive and suffered with low self esteem. He was at the pub to be round people, he had some colourful stories to tell and clearly needed someone to listen. After all, it may not be as cheap as drinking at home on your own, but its much cheaper than a therapist. People will always have a need to be heard and we are all equally entitled to have a voice. - Stop comparing yourself.
One of my colleagues in the pub was 18, had worked in the pub since leaving school and was about to buy a property with her partner. Yes, she was about to own a property aged 18. As someone that used to struggle to save 30% of my salary each month with no clear indication as to whether this would ever get me onto the property ladder, this triggered some serious jealousy. Is jealousy the worst sin? Because I have it aplenty. After a little more thought on the situation and browsing RightMove, I realised I needed a change of perspective. If I think about it for slightly more than 3 seconds, having a mortgage on a property in Penrith is not a personal goal because I do not want a property in Penrith and you cannot set a goal you don’t want to achieve. So, please can someone buy me a property in London?
In reality, this was a pretty easy realisation. From experience, the real challenge comes from when we look at those a little closer to home: people we went to school with, people on our degree course, friends of friends that look cool on Instagram. We constantly compare ourselves to those we’ve crossed paths with and the closer the paths, the more comprehensible the scrutiny. Here I nod to social media for facilitating this act of self flagellation. There really is very little to be gained from this, we all experience the world a little differently and consequently have a variety of views. Leaving London presented me with a broader range of people to compare myself to: those whose lives have taken paths that are incomparable and consequently forced me to have a bit of perspective on my own existence. Its not that some of us are “doing better”, we are just “doing different” based on the options life presents us with. The reality is, as highlighted by many children’s books, that were all a little bit different and this ugly duckling will inevitably become a swan because… - I am a genius.
Give me a moment.
Whilst on a journey of trying to understand more about my own mental health, I’ve struggled with meditating / manifesting / telling myself affirmations for a multitude of reasons, primarily because it seems a bit ridiculous. I had to work on this in therapy a lot and it was exhausting. In the end, we settled on every time I left the house I had to say to myself “I am enough” which ironically manifested into “I am not enough and the world would be better if I stayed home”. My journey towards better mental health is long.
Little did I know, moving up north would really help my mental health. Firstly, as mentioned, it provided me with a bit of perspective on how I measure my own accomplishments. But also, the more people I met, the more I was told I was a “genius”, “highly intelligent” and “a bright lass”. Theres only so many times you can reply with “oh, I’m really not” before they remind you that your academic achievements were in the top 10% of the country (this number is completely made up because I don’t believe exams measure intelligence) but seriously, do not underestimate the genius in getting things done.
As this rhetoric on my intelligence built around me, I had to stop denying it and nobody was more surprised than me when I realised I started to believe what they were saying. Who needs a therapist when you live up north with these lovely people?
Should anyone wish for me to impart my great wisdom on you, I am willing to oblige. But the reality is, if you’re in the microcosm of people that read this blog, then you’re a genius too. - The North is the most wonderful place.
The beauty of a pub job is that it provides freedom during the limited winter daylight hours. After months of working from home in my London flat, I was keen to get some fresh air. For anyone that hasn’t been to the North (I imagine most of you), you need to go because my lack of patience means the humble iPhone photos on this blog do not do it justice. Whilst I am yet to complete all the Wainwright’s, I have certainly found the best fell walker fuel: Topping’s pork and apple topped pies.
The North has rubbed off on me. I’ve regained my appreciation for real gravy, the change of pace has allowed me to become more grounded and given me perspective and as we continue to navigate the global pandemic, I’m regaining a little more faith in the world. So I now have the authority to confirm what we all already knew: the North is in fact better than the South. I should know, I am a genius.
